TRANSlation | Tiny Little Taste

I wanted to give you an idea of what's coming your way with this new project. Some things to anticipate and some things to be aware of. TRANSlation will essentially be short stories of my life fractured up into individual parts, chapters, posts about the past four years and beyond. It will also focus on this time, this momentous time right now as I am set to embark on the journey of becoming a man in a more biological and physical way. The thing is that the past four years have consisted of slowly but surely coming into the skin and identity of a man, uneasily but unequivocally.

The story will also focus on times when denial was a perpetual state of existence for me - and essentially how I became an ill and diseased victim of it. These chapters will consist of and deal with a number of tough topics, things that could be triggering including sexual assault, self-harm, suicide attempts, drug abuse and heavy drinking. I will be posting trigger warnings in notes at the beginning of each new part for any graphic content it may contain. So be aware and stay safe because no words are worth your mental health.

I'm also thrilled to announce that this will not only be a labor of love for myself but my good friend and incredible artist, Hunter Vroonland will also be joining me on the journey. He has been there for parts of my life the last couple of years and we've bonded on human, intellectual and creative levels. I am honored to have an artist of his caliber and wit be so open to collaborating with me. He will provide art and illustration for each little fraction of this interwoven tale. As art takes time and we are busy, social and working hard at making a living, we ask that you be patient in allowing us space and time to create something worthy, something we truly love and believe in. In the meantime follow my friend on Instagram, @huntervroonland, to see more of his work and invest in him.

The hope of this venture is to more or less lay out my past, for better or worse. Perhaps to educate and open a line of communication with people who don’t entirely understand. While I can’t speak to the experiences of the entire transgender community, I can speak from mine and clarify my path that lead here. I believe this is my ultimate purpose in life and the reason I was put on this planet, to inspire, to share and to connect on a more personal level to those who perhaps would never otherwise find middle ground with humans like me.

With that said, I am happy to give you a sneak peek into the first fraction of this little series...

No one wants to read anymore. I think I’ve only discovered that recently while my own head has been stuck in-between paperbacks and hardcovers of novels and memoirs. If stories aren’t compelling enough to grab us in the first few seconds of an Instagram story, a YouTube clip or a Snapchat – even a Netflix original – then we disengage with narrative altogether so often. So what hope does the first sentence or paragraph in a story like this one have?

It’s the curse of my generation, that’s what they say and I fall prey to it as much as anyone else. We often constrict the idea of literature and reading to school-bound activities that are much too torturous to endure under the guise of our own pleasures and self-discoveries. I write this in hope that you will stick with me on my journey because I, too, am distracted and confined and I, too, suffer our illnesses.

Yet recently I was also confined to graveyard shifts where my only interaction with sunlight most days was blearily hissing at its rays on my drive home and hoping I wouldn’t melt in Summer’s persistently sullen and sweltering heat. Hell of a way to say ‘so long’ to the season, I thought. Social situations were also quite limited – next to nonexistent– unless you consider playing phone tag with your best friend ‘socialization.’ There was a bittersweet taste that these nights left in my mouth but I’ll get to that later.

Limited exposure, a sleep schedule that should be composed only for characters in horror movies left nothing but spare room in my brain for melody, words and thought – disturbing or not. So I decided to spend my free time investing time in where I naturally existed, writing, learning, creativity. A few months earlier I had come to an impasse with my own such skill and talent so therefore the only way forward was to dive deeper into other’s precise intentions with words. You will absolutely never be an endless well of inspiration – no matter how damned stubborn, I’ve learned. The hard way.

This would also lead me down an extenuating road that would lead me to new realizations, new thought processes; a new beginning, a new identity and a new existence. A new life.

And there you have it... until next time... stay tuned!

Follow me on Instagram, @emeryazure for updates on this story and more.